Coping with Defeat, Illness, Loss... and Victory

Acknowledgement to TUFC
(no infringement of copyright intended)

Yesterday Kevin Nicholson, played for Torquay United FC in the final of the English League Two playoffs at Old Trafford - much more convenient for us, living in Yorkshire as we do. This match would normally have been played at Wembley Stadium, but some rather less important football game was already booked to play there yesterday evening, so Old Trafford it was; and ready we were to celebrate their achievement. I mention Kev because he happens to be my my son-in-law.

It may be a case of poetical deja vue, that I had already written a short poem and an associated commentary on my poetry library following their defeat in the fourth round of the FA Cup in January. They therefore missed the opportunity to play against Manchester United in the fifth round, ironically at Old Trafford. This was of course accompanied by exceptional feelings of disappointment and self-deprecation; the fact that they had got to the fourth round of the FA Cup was of no consequence at that moment. My son-in-law, at 30 years of age is an accomplished professional footballer and has experienced many highs and lows, triumphs and disappointments in his career, which started more than half his life ago at the FA's National School of Excellence at Lilleshall. Through him we have come to learn a lot about the Football world, with all its imperfections and particularly about football management (with all its imperfections), which has probably, in equal measures, helped him toward and deprived him of opportunities; when Managers and Coaches have had and used the power to encourage and progress a footballer's career ... or condemn it!

He has come through it, always with a positive mental attitude and sometimes enormous fortitude, to say nothing of his professionalism. He has often said that he feels lucky to be doing what he enjoys (most of the time) and getting paid for doing so. And any number of the footballers he has played with along the way, not least of all the rest of the squad at Torquay United, where Kev has played for the past four seasons, making one hundred and seventy five appearances in the process, have done so too.

Acknowledgement to TUFC
(no infringement of copyright intended)

When you are a professional sportsman, defeat is hard to take at any time. When it's in the Final of the League Two Play-offs - and they lost by a single goal - against a side who haven't beaten you in eight games over the past few years, with the promise of promotion to National League One at stake, however well you have trained your mind psychologically to deal with defeat, sometimes it is nearly impossible to rationalise it by thought processes alone. In these circumstances, recovery of confidence is much slower than normal and can take it's toll in all sorts of ways, including sleep, mood, relationships, team spirit. This is particularly worsened when you're surrounded by a squad of players, each of whom, in varying degrees, is having their own struggle to come to terms with losing such an opportunity. At least now they all have a summer break, which is albeit much shorter because of the three play-off games in May, to recover their composure and rest their aching legs and battered feet.

There is no easy way through this horrible situation, other than to put one foot in front of the other, do something physical (not too much to ask of a footballer, more so for their fans), get back into the saddle, run up hill for a while!

It's not unlike having to recover from illness or even loss. And yet, I hear you say, these are privileged members of society; there are many people in all walks of life and all parts of the world, who have far greater challenges, whether this means coping with illness, loss or privation; and you'd be right: so what, they lost a game of football! It's only a game! Get up and get on with it! And they do (get up and get on with it) unless their short contracts have terminated and they are having to look for another club to play for; not so easy in these lean times.

In answering this, I can only add here the feeling I have always had for this very human tendency to compare the privileged with the not so privileged in the world; and it is this: Each one of us is born where we are born; something we as individuals have no control over; and for most of us - nay all of us - in spite of our greater mobility and economic opportunities in modern times, we still effectively have to 'bloom where we are planted'. By 'where' I mean not just our location, our environment, but the brain and body we were born with and into; the skin we have to wear and the bone structure that it covers; we have to accept that 'nature' part of the nature-nurture composition that forms our being; the make up of our personality, the way we are 'wired' and the community - and I mean 'community' in its widest sense - that we are wired into. I could argue that, given the expectations of life that are aligned with the faculty that any one of us is born with, in a sense, it is no different a task for a professional footballer to deal with the trammels of their trade than it is for, say, a child born into the poverty of a slum on the outskirts of an African city to ensure they have enough to eat...

... now I'm expecting some shock-horror responses to that suggestion! But please hold on for a moment before you do react...

Each one of us has to survive and attempt to thrive within the constraints of our particular environment and the limitations and capabilities with which we were endowed at birth. However, in the final analysis, we should be judged by our response to the level of privilege (or lack of it) we were born into; this does, of course, require those of us who have more of it to acknowledge those with a lot less of it and make absolutely sure that we do not exploit them; but this is enough comment on a very important part of the human condition, which probably requires a whole book to be written on the subject.

But, whatever your views are on the foregoing philosophically controversial debate, to move on swiftly to the main objective of this post...

Acknowledgement to TUFC
(no infringement of copyright intended)

... for now, it is to recognise endeavour and I salute all the players of Torquay United Football Club, who have this season punched above their weight; they are a fine bunch of players and people, ably and passionately led by their Captain Lee 'Manse' Mansell, who have all given of their very best. I can only wish for them all to be fit and able to give of their best again next season. I also salute the loyal supporters, who, if you ever go to an away game, travel in their droves and provide a massive voice, which measures in decibels a noise well above their number, to cheer the team whether in defeat of victory. And last, but not least, here's recognition of the players' support systems: their WAGS and the club staff, all of whom play their part in making it the unit that it is; a family unit and a very successful one at that.

Acknowledgement to TUFC
(no infringement of copyright intended)

The poem, if you want to read it, is here. The poetic structure will seem unusual to the casual reader of poems, but it is in the form of a traditional Japanese Haiku, which I've used because it perfectly distills the message and gives it a brevity, which is so appropriate to a situation where few words are needed.